So I delayed this assignment for the past week because I couldn't think of one specific scenario where I benefited enough. When I think back though I actually unwittingly helped out my mother growing up when she was a hospice nurse. As a hospice nurse in a rural area, my mother would often visit elderly patients at their farm houses where they rarely received visitors. Often times when I went on these calls with my mother the patients would often see me as a child and be so happy and often they would give me treats or make me food. They didn't have much, but still when I was over they would almost celebrate my youth.

I didn't realize it until years later that often times they would be talking to me telling experiences they had during their lives. For instance I remember a time I went to an old mans house and he told me about his experiences as a young man in the 30's. He was in Kansas during a period known as "The Dust Bowl" and he would tell me tricks that his family used to get by and often times how to even keep the dust out of the house by putting wet rags over the cracks of the doors since that where dust was most likely to enter the house. 80 years later I have experienced several dust storms whether it be in Iraq or recently with the recent haboobs. Thanks to his tip I have been able to avoid having an overly dusty establishment!

I also think back to the life stories of love, wives, young ton foolery and just stories of Americana dating back to the 1800's(my mother had a client that was 106 in 1989). I think that in actuality meeting those people and helping my mother council them really helped me grow into the person I am today. One man once told me how important it was to be decisive and that once you have made a decision stick by it all the way. I actually try to live up to that standard. Another woman told me that she lived every day of her life after her parents died expecting nothing less than her best. At the end of the day she would always ask herself at the end of every day "would my mother approve?". I took a lot of this advice to heart.

I would say though that the biggest reward for listening and helping my mother out was that I learned how to deal with loss. I learned that every dog his day, and every dog has a day that he dies. My mother had a grieving ritual where she would allow 48 hours to pass where she would be rather silent and extremely reflective, but after that 48 hour period she was done, and would move on. In my mothers 40 year career, she must have experienced hundreds of lives at their end. From AIDS patients to dying at the end of a long good life.

I think back and I wonder how my mother did that, who taught her that. Then I remember that she passed on to me one of the best gifts many people will never receive, and that is the ability to cope with loss. Even now, I am able to grieve; however, I still take the 48 hours to let time pass and reflect, and try to take away from that persons life what they passed on to me. When my closest uncle passed away before his time. My father, my brother, and I all got together at the wake and we sat down and just had a nice long conversation. There is no crying when someone passes away, but there is acknowledgment that they did something in their life that was worth while. We then take what they did that was worth while and we examined how to apply it to our lives.

So I guess you could say I did not help them willingly, but unwittingly, but I also received ten-fold back just by being in their presence. For me, to comfort someone in their last days, and to learn what they have learned, even if it is just a small bit. To hear about their grandchildren and great grandchildren. That was a reward enough for me. From my mother I helped her probably with less stress by being there and being able to have your own son on those trips must have helped a lot for her. I am extremely thankful for what I learned from her in how to grieve and how to take a loss and make it your gain.

I also learned that in everyone there is indeed something that even if we do not agree, even if we don't like them. They have done something, they have had a day that was uncomparable to anyone else's experiences. I learned the uniqueness of humanity.